Trapped
by mxtt216
Summary: JJ faces violence, and attacks from her own personal hell, her boyfriend William LaMontagne, and her attempts at hiding the abuse is futile against a team of agents, including Emily Prentiss, who is especially invested in the younger agent and her well-being. Jemily throughout. Rated T-M for violent scenes.
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: for the purposes of this story there's no Henry.**_  
 _ **Also warnings for heavy angst, domestic violence and eventual JJ/Emily romance.**_

 ** _-x-_**

JJ ducked into the restroom closest to the BAU's doors with minutes to spare before she could be considered late. She had become accustomed to rushing here on some of her _busier_ mornings, but today was different. Today it had been worse.  
She had run from the house, with nothing apart from her car keys and that left her standing in front of the bathrooms mirror, inspecting the darkening grip marks on her upper arm, as well as checking that she had finally managed to stop the blood that had been gushing from her nose the whole journey here.

Everything in her hated that this was how her life had turned out, but what could she do?  
She'd stayed with him before it had become a everyday thing, when it only happened after his _'occasional'_ drink. She'd tolerated this, forgave him with his cheap excuses, and wilted apology flowers.  
Thankfully she'd managed to push his marriage suggestions off before this got _too_ deep, but she really didn't know how much longer she could do that for, she knew she couldn't get tied down to him, most of all since she didn't love him, she feared him.

"Jayje?" the call startled her, and she turned, making sure to keep her arm tucked tight to her, hiding the marks as best she could

"Oh, Em, hey" she forced an obviously insincere smile, which of course Emily saw straight through "do we have a case?"

Emily nodded "actually, that's why I'm here, Hotch had me check for you, he tried calling-"

JJ froze, her cell was sitting on the kitchen counter, she just hoped that Will had stormed out, possibly even following her, and missed the call "i-it's at home, I left in such a rush I forgot it"

"Well we need to get going, we're getting on the jet right away, Hotch said he'd brief us then"

JJ assured Emily she'd be finished up in a couple of minutes, and let out a sigh of relief as soon as she was left alone again. She welcomed the case because it meant she'd get a break from being at home, but then again she'd have to be constantly on guard around the team. Hiding the darts of pain her leg still gave her after last weeks _incident,_ ensuring she didn't allow herself to flinch at Derek's touch, or at any loud noises. It was a different kind of exhausting.

She wadded up her tissue and tossed it into the trash before hurrying back out to leave with the rest of the team, she couldn't let herself be the one holding them up again.

An hour later the whole team had been briefed on the case, it wasn't anything particularly strenuous, their "typical" case, you'd say, but it was what happened after the briefing that left JJ sitting away from the others, her mind working in overdrive. Hotch had asked to speak to her on her own once they had landed, which practically left her shaking, for more than one reason.  
Had Will answered the call that morning? What could he have said, or lied about that could get her in trouble professionally? Maybe Hotch had noticed the marks, wanted to call her out? How could she admit all this, putting up with it, not confronting her own abuser? That'd just make her look as weak and incompetent as she really is.

She glanced up briefly and noticed the set of dark eyes watching her, almost worried. More than anything she wanted to go and sit with Emily, but she knew she couldn't force much conversation right now, and that silence would leave an abundance of time for Emily to profile her.  
Emily looked away, in a way that almost seemed reluctant to JJ, who then continued to admire the older agent.

 _She's so strong, so beautiful._

She had grown to accept her thoughts like these in relation to Emily a long time ago, and months had passed by with JJ admiring Emily from afar, and even imagining how much happier she'd be if she was romantically involved with Emily rather than Will.  
But that was obviously some kind of reaction to how things were, right? She just wanted to feel safe and loved- and she appreciated the safety she felt with the woman- that had to be it. She'd never been attracted to women before Emily, and pinning it down to her mental instability seemed easier than trying to process it and torture herself.

Soon later they were informed the jet was landing and JJ knew she'd have to start stringing together some believable excuses to questions Hotch could potentially throw at her

 _"Will's just lying to you Hotch, we had a disagreement and he didn't want me to leave this morning, I'm sorry"_

 _"Of course he isn't hurting me Aaron! How could you think I'd put up with that?"_ That was a good one- even if it sent a pang of guilt to her heart. She hoped it'd do the same to Hotch if she needed it to.

"JJ, you're with me" the lead agent reminded and they walked together in a tense silence to the SUV headed to the local police station. She hadn't even had time to belt up before he began

"Jennifer," he began and JJ had to control the bile that rose in her throat at the name, that was what _he_ snarled at her in his anger

 _"Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer..."_

"I'm hoping you'll tell me I'm just reaching here, and everything's fine, but I've had a bad feeling lately I've needed to talk out with you"

The blonde cleared her throat as subtly as possible, trying not to look startled "A bad feeling? About what?"

"About you. Over the past month I've noticed behavioral changes, and I'm sure the team have too. You're withdrawn, easily flustered- honestly JJ you seem unhappy. Is there something happening that you need some help with? Are you sick? Is everything okay at home?"

JJ felt bad, the man looked genuinely concerned for her. If she was honest with herself he probably should be, but of course that didn't help her open up. She couldn't risk her job- the only reprieve she had, by admitting everything that was happening. She couldn't risk her life. Will had beaten her so badly when she had _threatened_ to disclose the abuse to her team, she was left in the ER claiming her fractured arm was a result of a drunken stumble.

"Aaron, thank you, I really appreciate the concern, and you're right, if I'm honest," she considered blurting it out there and then, but knew better "I have been distracted, my Dad is pretty sick and he's been in and out of hospital, Mom isn't sure how long he has"

Her excuse did actually bare some truth, her father had been in bad health later, which had just been another worry to her.

"Oh JJ, I'm so sorry- if you need to take some time and go visit, I'd understand" _-yeah, like Will would let that happen._

"Thank you Sir, I'll keep that in mind"

The rest of the drive to the station had been relatively quiet, JJ's mind wandering again.

 _I handled that well. If only the rest of the team were as easy to lie to._

 ** _AN: So this idea got a lot of support when I mentioned I'd been considering writing it, and I hope this first chapter has done it justice.  
Feedback would be much appreciated. _**


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the day had gone past as JJ had expected too, she faced some concerned glances from the team at certain points, but mostly, and thankfully for JJ, they had thrown themselves into the case and avoided any personal conversation with her, that was until evening.

Hotch announced that they'd be sharing rooms and JJ had gotten put in with Emily for the night, which usually she'd adore, any chance she had to be around the brunette was wonderful for her, but she'd worried lately that Emily had known more than she let on. JJ would hide the visible marks as best she could, but the fractured arm, and then, not a week later the cracked lip, she knew what it looked like- what it was.

That didn't mean she was enjoying Emily's constant interrogation.

They'd both lugged their bags to the room, and to avoid the crippling silence, JJ escaped to the rooms bathroom to change into her sleepwear. She'd considered having a shower but didn't have much faith in her aching leg to keep her supported for much longer.

Stripping off, she inspected her body in the large mirror on the back wall of the bathroom. It was astounding what her clothing could hide, and hide well. A mix of deep purples and blue veiny bruises littered her torso, a particularly bad patch around her ribs darkening alarmingly. The grip marks on her arms had shaded in too, and she was thankful her go bag had a long sleeved pyjamas in it.

She was sure she needed medical attention, or at least some high-strength prescribed painkillers but taking this to the ER wouldn't be easily explained away like the fracture was. She couldn't pin this on a drunken fall, a mistake, it was obvious abuse and would set alarms ringing in even the dimmest nurse she could possibly get assigned to her.

She took a deep breath as best she could, aware the every extra second she spent in here she was raising Emily's suspicions even further, so she finished getting changed as fast as her body would allow her and went back out to her claimed bed.

Emily had used her time alone to change too, and JJ very much enjoyed the sight of the dark haired agent in her deep red silk pyjamas "those are beautiful" JJ stated, wishing she could say what she really wanted to _'you're beautiful'_ , that was without raising Emily's eyebrow

"Thank you, they're new actually" Emily smiled softly at the younger woman, and in that moment she considered holding herself back, attempting to have faith in JJ and allow the blonde to come to her if she had a problem, but her mind nagged at her as she recalled their earlier cases. JJ and her would change in front of each other without a second thought, but over the last handful of cases JJ had hidden herself away.  
In fact, Emily had noticed most things about the blonde had changed in the past couple of months. She'd visibly lost weight, which Emily knew was bound to be a problem as the younger woman was quite petite to begin with.  
She was quieter, more timid, afraid to voice her thoughts to the group during briefings.  
She withdrew from the team in general, and hadn't been on any of the social evenings out in weeks.  
All of which caused Emily to worry. This wasn't her JJ.

"Hey, can we talk?"

She'd expected this from Emily once they'd been alone, and she thought maybe slipping into bed would make Emily pick up on the fact she was exhausted and drop it, but apparently it wasn't that easy.

"About what Em?" How many more 'talks' about her well-being would she need to endure before they all left her alone, to handle this herself?

"You know what Jayje, you, how you've been acting.." Emily trailed off, wanting JJ to take over the conversation, but she didn't and left the pair in silence "you can't keep lying JJ there's something wrong, please"

The pain in Emily's pleading was obvious and it bit harshly at JJ. How could she hurt her friend like this? She imagined if she saw this sort of behaviour in Emily she'd be terrified for her, but of course, she was too selfish to notice Emily's pain until now. She couldn't keep lying, but she couldn't tell the truth either, not if she wanted to have a good quality of life.

The hot tears rushed to JJ's eyes before she turned away from Emily's view and whispered quietly "please don't make me talk about it Emily"

She crossed the room, and sat onto the bed, watching as the blonde attempted to hide her tears with the duvet "I'm not going to force you Jen, but listen to me, no matter what it is, I can try help, and if I can't, I'll be there for you to support you" she ran her hand through JJ's hair "I want to be there for you Jennifer"

The use of her name made JJ cry harder "d-don't call me _that_ " she begged, which frightened Emily, who quickly apologised before falling silent again.

He was hurting her. He had to be.  
The unexplained, or badly explained injuries in itself were enough to convince Emily that something abusive was happening, but her reaction to her own name? As well as begging not to talk about it- it screams abuse, right? She's scared, and Emily wasn't going to just sit by and see her like this.

"I know what he's doing to you" Emily stated, hoping her thoughts on the situation were right, but once she saw the look of sheer panic and horror cross JJ's face she knew that sadly they were "Jayje, he's hurting you. You don't have to talk about it now, but we will need to talk about it eventually"

JJ just lay still, deciding it was best not to confirm anything right now. Emily couldn't know and JJ wasn't going to hand her a confession either. Not with what she'd be risking by admitting it.

By the time breakfast the next morning came around, JJ was doing everything she could to avoid Emily again.

How could she have been so stupid? She nearly told her, everything. God, she wanted to. She wanted to scream for her help, have Emily save her, protect her- but then she noted logically that it wasn't Emily's job to protect her. Bitterly she thought that if it was anyone's job to protect her it was Will's- the irony.

"So what's going on between you and grumpy guts down there?" Derek asked as he sat opposite JJ with a bowl of cereal in hand

JJ looked towards where Derek had gestured and saw Emily buried in her phone, with a look of anger washed over her "there's nothing going on Morgan, we're fine"

He scoffed, and at the noise JJ was forced to hold back the shake in her hands, _why does everything have to remind me of Will_?

"Listen Jayje, I won't pry, but Emily really cares about you, try and fix it with her?"

JJ just nods as she stares into to bowl of now mushy cereal sitting in front of her.  
Things have gotten so awful, she doesn't want to be at work or at home anymore, which leaves her wondering, where could she go if she wanted to feel comfortable?


	3. Chapter 3

Two days later, the case was closed and JJ was back at the hotel room packing her bag, alone. She'd hardly spoken to Emily over the past two days and if she was honest, it was really starting to get to her. She wanted to make things right, she wanted Emily to be her friend- but an unquestioning friend, because opening up about all this was something JJ couldn't imagine herself doing.  
She sighed deeply as she remembered she'd have to go back home to him tonight. Just an hour and half of a jet ride, and then she was there and who knew what greeted her. Things hadn't been left amicably, so she imagined tonight she'd pay for that.  
Not that he needed an excuse to beat her anyway.

The sound of the lock clicking turned JJ's attention away from what tonight would bring. Emily breezed into the room, and to her bed where she haphazardly shoved her clothes into her go bag in silence. "Emily, please talk to me. I can't keep doing this" she admitted, which was true

Emily's sad eyes met the blonde agents "I can't keep doing this either Jayje... I can't keep sitting across from you, knowing that he's doing that to you, knowing that he's hurting you JJ! I imagine this must be a horrifying situation to be in, but you have the team to help you, you have me- why can't you try and help yourself! Or at least admit there's something wrong!" Emily snapped, which wasn't the best choice of actions because she saw the fear in JJ's eyes at her angered tone

"Emily you don't understand-" JJ was almost crying at this point, this was all just too overwhelming for her right now

Emily moved closer to the woman, who was visibly shaking  
"Well make me Jen, explain what the _hell_ he's done to you to make you so afraid" her tone had softened completely, all she wanted was to know the truth so she could get JJ out of that house and away from him

"I can't Emily, please. Can't we just pretend this didn't happen?" JJ pleaded, but Emily shook her head

"I can't just pretend he isn't hurting you- because eventually JJ, one morning you won't show up for work and we'll end up finding you dead on your kitchen floor"

Her words startled JJ but she knew that Emily was right, what would stop him killing her? As far as she could see there'd be nothing. How terrifying was that. _**She's living with a man who could kill her.  
**_ "I don't want to go home" she admitted weakly

Emily took JJ's hand into hers "you don't have to"

 _How was this going to work? Will won't let me leave? All he'll end up doing is hurting me worse whenever I do end up back home- or he'd hurt Emily for trying to take me away.  
_ _You're being stupid Jareau, leaving right now is just going to make things worse. You'll be responsible for getting her hurt too, do you really need that on your conscience?_

"Hey," Emily's hand moved up and she stroked her thumb across JJ's cheek "what're you thinking?"

"Emily, this won't work- leaving, he'll just follow me- he's been doing that for months now already. And what if he hurts you, o-or the team for trying to help- he would" JJ rushed out, and the fear in her voice showed Emily that she had really been put through hell the past God knows how long, and he's been **_following_ ** her?

"Listen to me Jayje, I'm not saying he won't try, because it sounds like he might, but I promise you that I won't let him do anything else bad to you- all of us will be okay"

JJ took comfort from the older woman's words despite the fact she didn't entirely believe them "how will I do this? I don't even know where to start?"

"Well you can worry about that tomorrow, for tonight you can stay with me and try and get a good nights sleep" Emily offered which made even more tears fall down JJ's cheeks  
"Why are you doing this? You're being so sweet.."

"I'm helping my friend, I don't think that's too hard to believe" Emily smiled softly "and anyway, I cant stand the thought of him hurting you, you don't deserve that Jen"

 _She doesn't know how wrong she is. Don't deserve it? Of course I do, I was the one who put up with it. I pushed him when he was anry, even though I knew how it'd end. I hid it, from everyone. This was my own fault._

"Emily, this was a mistake" JJ announced suddenly, flustered "listen, please just forget I said anything, me and Will, we can sort this out together"  
JJ knew what she was saying wasn't actually correct, she wouldn't sort this out with Will at all, but the blonde agent knew that leaving him would be worse than staying.

 _They'd see how weak you are, ask why you didn't leave sooner. You'd lose your friends, your job._

"JJ-wait, no you can't do this, you can't go back there!" Emily knew how close she had been to convincing to younger woman to leave her abuser, but something changed in her, she knew that by the fear in her eyes

"Emily! It's none of your business what I do! Just leave me alone!

She was fighting a losing battle, trying to talk the woman into leaving clearly wasn't going to work right now- and that just left Emily wondering, what Will could've said to her to make her feel this way. Apart from the obvious physical abuse there had to be some underlying emotional or mental abuse too, because this wasn't JJ.

"Alright, fine JJ, if that's what you want to do"

Emily left the room, go bag in hand, and JJ stayed rooted to the same spot she had been standing in, her hands violently shaking as she held back tears.  
She let her guard down, was weak and nearly told Emily everything, as it was she had said too much.  
There was no way she was risking Emily like that, or risking her own life too. She had first hand experience of what Will was capable of, and knew if she tried to run, it'd only be a matter of time before Emily had too. JJ couldn't protect herself, but she _was_ going to protect Emily.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Warning: graphic scenes of violence**_

JJ arrived back to the darkened apartment, and cautiously the anxiety she had been feeling lifted slightly. She crept down the hall towards the kitchen, _no sign of him here either, h_ owever she did noticed her smashed up cell phone by the trash. _The third this year_ she noted, she really needed to try harder to keep her phone with her more.

Flicking on the kitchen light, she allowed herself to let go of the breath she had been holding in since she arrived back here. Hopefully he was out for the night. Maybe with Allison again.  
She laughed bitterly as she got herself a glass of wine from the fridge, _there's a sign of a healthy relationship, wishing your boyfriend was out cheating on you._

She took a large gulp of the wine and toyed with the delicate glass in her hands, if she had told Emily the truth she could be with her right now, instead of feeling alone- scared.  
"So, you're back"

His words caused her to jump in her chair. She whipped around and once she met his dark, angry gaze she felt the fear fill every part of her body. He must've been hiding, or maybe asleep. She should've known.

"uh- yeah, I just got home. I-I'm sorry I had to leave so suddenly, you know how work is" even JJ herself noticed how terrified she sounded, and sickly, it made Will smirk

"Yeah I do" he said coolly "that's why I told you to take a desk job Jennifer, but you don't seem to enjoy listening to me at all"

She felt the power surge through her as she got to her feet, and before she even had the words out of her mouth she knew she'd regret them "I wont be bullied out of a job I love Will"  
Before JJ had time to register it, Will had crossed the room and violently gripped her arm, twisting it behind her " _Love?_ " he snarled "you don't love that job, you love me, and _**only** _ me Jennifer, haven't I made that clear to you before tonight?"

When she didn't answer he pushed harder on her already weakened arm, causing her to yelp in pain."And what have I told you before about talking back to me? You really need to keep your mouth shut sometimes, bitch"

He knocked against what he knew was her bad knee, which caused her to fall, slapping the side of her head off the corner of the table. She managed to bite back her cry at that, but once his kicks to her already bruised body started, she couldn't. She cried, she screamed a mixture of his name and pleads with him to stop, but that unsurprisingly didn't work, it never did. He just kept kicking,

It felt like hours before she felt him stop and heard their kitchen door slam violently, and it had felt like even longer before she managed to pull herself into a sitting position, with the aid of the leg of the kitchen table.  
The room spun as she tried to focus and she immediately slammed her eyes shut, willing away the nausea that violently hit her. It felt like her whole body was on fire and she really wondered if she would be able to drag herself to the couch tonight or if she'd have to stay and sleep right there. _It wouldn't be the first time._  
For the second time that evening she'd wished she'd gone with Emily like she had offered.

 _Maybe if you stayed quiet and didn't make him worse you could've been okay, but no, that's just too easy for you.  
What about work? I could barely hide the injuries I had before these, there's no way I could keep this under wraps, especially if Emily was watching- and she would be.  
If only you had your cell, you could call her and try and get out of here for tonight._

Once the room had mostly stopped spinning she attempted getting to her feet, which was a slow and painful process, but she managed it. Taking a breath as best she could despite the sting in her lungs, she attempted to get across the room to the medical cabinet. She grabbed a box of painkillers and unsteadily made her way back to the table, where she had been sitting before. She took out three pills and swallowed them down with a mouthful of her wine.  
Neither of which decisions were great ones but maybe if she passed out she would wake up in less pain than she's in now, that's always a plus.

As she began to feel woozy again, she assumed from the combination of her head injury and her pain relievers, she allowed her head to drop onto a resting position on the table, cradled by her arms. She would try get to the couch, but didn't want to risk ending up down on the kitchen floor again.

And it was in that position, an unknown amount of time later that she woke up.  
Even the way she had been resting her arms had hurt her. She took a minute to gather herself, and surprisingly she managed to get to her feet on the first try.  
As quietly as possible she made her way to the bathroom, praying silently she hadn't caused Will to stir and once faced with her reflection in the mirror, she had to hold back more tears.

The gash on her head had scabbed over, but still looked as painful as it felt. Her eyes were sunken, and red from crying and worst of all she could see the swelling around her ribs, even through her bloodstained shirt.

 _What are you doing here. **Letting** him leave you this way._

And for the third time that night, she wished she had gone with Emily.  
 _But that wasn't practical._


	5. Chapter 5

"Do you really think I'm _that_ dense"  
JJ stops her shuffling down the hall, and grits her teeth, she had spent the last two hours here attempting hold in any outward signs of the excruciating pain in her her chest and stomach, but she knew one of them would notice something eventually, especially with the amount of times she had caught Emily watching her.

"Em, of course I don't think that" She turned to face the dark haired woman, whose face read a combination of sadness and anger  
"Well then why wont you just let me help you Jayje, look at you, you can hardly walk! And I know it must be worse than you're showing" Emily pleaded quietly with the woman "look, I know you probably wont go to a doctor, but please let me check you over"

The blonde shook her head weakly "It's not good Emily, I can't"

Emily's eyes softened, as she tried to hold back the anger she felt towards Will and focus on the injured woman opposite her.  
"Listen Jayje, I know it won't be good, but that doesn't mean I don't want to check, I need to make sure you're okay"

That made JJ laugh to herself.  
 _Okay? I couldn't be any further from okay._

"We can't do this here" JJ announced and Emily agreed "how about my apartment, we can say we're going for lunch"

Checking her phone, Emily realised it was just after 11am, she hoped that none of the other agents questioned why they were leaving so early, or even if they did, that they kept it to themselves. This was the closest she'd gotten to having the blonde really open up to her, she wasn't going to let it slip away again.

As they walked out of the office, JJ noticed the glances that were thrown her and Emily's way, and it made her heart beat that much faster in her chest.  
 _What the hell do you think this is going to accomplish? She's going to see what he did, pity you and try interfere again. You shouldn't be letting her in, it'll just end badly again. You'll want to push her away, start another fight.  
And what about Will? He'll hurt her. What if it's bad? What if she dies- that's on you. Your fault._

"Jay?" Her hands gripping at JJ's bruised arms makes her freeze "JJ, it's okay it's Emily. Oh honey..."

JJ feels the older woman guide her away from where they had been standing, and before she knows it they're sitting together in Emily's SUV.  
She feels her racing heart calm slightly, and lets out the breath she hadn't realised she been holding in  
"You okay?" Emily asks as cautiously as possible, hoping not to startle the woman like she had in the carpark

"Yeah, I'm sorry Em.." she drops her head into her hands "I can't believe I agreed to this"

Emily dropped one hand from the steering wheel to rest it on JJ's knee "listen, JJ I'm really not going to force you on this, I think leaving him is something you need to want to do if you're going to do it, if what you want is for me to just check you over, I'll do it and and we can leave it at that" she hated to say that, but she really couldn't force JJ out, she's a grown woman

"And if that's not what I want?" JJ dropped her eyes to Emily's soft hand still firm against her knee

"Well then we can go together to your place, pack you a bag and plan out what you want to do next"

JJ just nodded and they spent the rest of the car journey in silence.  
The closer they got to Emily's apartment the more she felt a panic attack pulling her in. _Just breathe JJ, this is Emily, she's your friend, she wont hurt you._

"..something, tea, coffee?" JJ just caught the end of Emily's offer over the sound of her heart hammering in her ears. She welcomed the seat she took in the kitchen before her legs gave way and once she had gathered herself a bit more she replied "no, thank you. Would you mind if we just did this?"  
She was both reluctant and desperate to show Emily her injuries.

"Of course, would you prefer to do it here, or another room?" Emily's words helped JJ relax as much as she could in the present moment, it was clear that Emily just wanted to make her feel comfortable

"It's all the same really Em, here's fine"

The awkwardness fell over them one they fell silent, mostly because Emily stood completely still on the opposite side of the kitchen.  
 _She's going to think you're ugly, that you're just a stupid bitch for staying with him, or weak for not fighting back. Look at her, she wont even come near you._

"Are we doing this Emily?" JJ snapped once she pulled herself from her thoughts, and once she had immediately regretted it because of the badly concealed look of hurt that crossed Emily's face  
"Uh- yeah" she crossed the room and once she got opposite JJ she reached for her shirt, but just held it "is this okay?"

JJ nodded and watched Emily's expression fall as she raised the shirt higher and higher. She lifted it as far as JJ's chest, deciding it was best not to expose the woman completely, and if she was honest with herself she wasn't sure if she needed to see more right now. The violent shades of purples, greens and blues painted across the younger woman's body was enough to make her stomach drop. JJ's ribs especially concerned her, they were the most bruised, and the first, and only time Emily had tried to touch them JJ flinched.

 _She hates you. This was a mistake JJ._

 _"_ Jay.. honey, I think these need some medical attention that I can't give them, your ribs could be broken" Emily moved her hand up and wiped away tears that had starting falling down JJ's cheek "it's okay"

"Nothing about this is _okay_ Emily" JJ sobbed against the older woman, who wrapped her arms around her, as gently as possible

"So, what do you want to do Jay?"

 _ **AN: cliffhanger, sorry!  
I hope I did the emotion in this chapter justice. And don't worry I'll update tomorrow so you don't have too long to wait!  
Also, I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you all for your support, the follows and favourites have been great, and the reviews, all your kind words, have been amazing- thank you all.**_


	6. Chapter 6

JJ pulled back from being wrapped in Emily's strong arms, and calmed away the last of her sobs with a deep breath, but winced at the sting that hit her lungs and chest as she did so.  
 _I can't keep doing this. I'm not living like this, not properly. He's knocking my down, mentally and physically, destroying me. I can't keep putting up with this. I need to do this for me, stop just barely surviving and start really enjoying my life._

"Emily, I want to leave him, I really do" the blonde admitted, to Emily's relief. The dark haired woman ran hand soothingly over JJ's back

"I'm so proud of you, I know this must be difficult for you, but you need to think of yourself JJ and what's best for you"

"Why is this so hard for me?" JJ asked, not really sure what answer she expected Emily to give her but she still felt the need to ask "shouldn't this be the easiest decision of my life? Leaving the man who's hurting me? It should be **_easy_**.."

It sent a pang of sadness to Emily's heart hearing the younger agent sound so dejected and confused "Jayje, listen, what he did to you, it obviously wasn't just physical, he seems to be emotionally manipulative too, and that won't be helping you think clearly right now"

"I guess... Em what will I do about work? And will I have to file legally against him? I don't want to risk my job-"

Emily cuts off JJ who was rambling, and looking more and more terrified with every thought that popped into her head "woah, wait there, Jay, why would you lose your job? Hotch won't let that happen, especially not because of this- you being hurt isn't a reason to fire you. And that's your decision if you want to go down the legal route"

"But..." JJ didn't finish her sentence, she accepted Emily's reassurance and shifted the conversation slightly "well, what about work today? Are we going back there, or..?"

Emily already had her phone in her hand, ready to dial Hotch "Personally, I don't think you should, you need to rest, and we should go to your house during the day to pack your bag. I can call it in, say you aren't feeling well and I'll let him know later if you'll be in tomorrow?"

JJ suddenly felt the guilt wash over her.  
 _I can't take her away from work like this- it's bad enough I'm probably going to be sleeping here, invading her life._

"Uh, Emily, if you wanna go to work, you don't need to babysit me.."

"It's not babysitting Jayje, I'm trying to help you. Nobody can do this on their own, and I want to support you" Emily tells her, hoping she didn't make the woman feel more guilty than she was sure she was feeling "will I call Hotch?"

"Please" JJ squeezes Emily's hand "thanks Em, I really appreciate this"

JJ makes her way into living room, leaving Emily to call Hotch in peace, and once in there, she allows herself to smile a little, spotting the pictures Emily kept on her side tables. For some strange reason she hadn't imagined that Emily would be a sentimental person who kept a lot of photographs, but clearly she was wrong. She took in the sight of photos of the team, ones of specifically her, Emily and Penelope, and some of other people JJ didn't recognise. She loved getting to see this side of Emily, as much as she hated to admit it to herself, she wanted to get closer to the older woman.

"He said to take as long as you need, and he hoped you feel better" Emily announced, walking into the living room and spotting JJ with a framed photograph in hand "are you spying on me?" Emily joked, but it hit a nerve with JJ, who dropped the photo back in place

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude-" JJ stumbled over her words, the fear rushing through her, but Emily immediately went over to JJ and stopped the worried blonde

"You don't need to apologise JJ, I was joking- I didn't make that clear, I'm sorry" Emily smiled softly, and saw JJ blink back the tears in her eyes "we have some time before we need to go to your place, are you hungry- or sore?"

"Actually, do you have some painkillers? My chest is hurting pretty bad"

Emily retrieved the requested painkillers, and a glass of water, and brought it to the younger woman who had planted herself onto the couch, which led Emily to assume she'd caused JJ to feel self conscious about investigating in the living room. She really needed to watch her words, and try keep the woman comfortable.

"Here you go, and if you wanted to maybe you could try have a bath- that might help with your pain" Emily suggested which caused JJ's heart to melt, she adored how much the older woman seemed to want to take care of her and make her happy. This was how the people in her life were supposed to treat her.

"I'd love that, if you're sure it's okay?" JJ double checked with Emily, who wondered just how badly Will had treated the blonde to leave her feeling the need to double and triple check every decision she made

"It's no problem Jay, and you don't need to ask if it's okay with me, while you're here this is as much your place as it is mine"

JJ was awe-stuck at the other womans words "oh Emily, you're being so sweet to me- really I don't deserve this"

"You deserve this and more, what you didn't deserve was how he treated you JJ" Emily told her, and it was obvious from Emily's tone she hated the fact that JJ had been hurt, and put in this whole situation "I just want to make you feel safe again, and I want you to be comfortable"

"You're so amazing" JJ gushed and suddenly things clicked into place for her.

She wanted to experience this feeling of safety everyday, but it was finally clear that wasn't the extent of her feelings for Emily.  
As much as she tried to deny her feelings or push them aside as a reaction to everything that happened with Will, she couldn't push this away anymore. Attraction was a unique feeling, something that stuck in the pit of your stomach just from being around someone, and JJ felt that, with everything in her.

 _ **AN: Hi everyone.  
Just to let you all know, I'm getting a bit busier now and updates more than likely will slow down. I can't estimate how many times per week I'll update, but it wont be at the same level I'd been doing up to now. I don't want to rush chapters and compromise the storyline.  
I hope you all stick with it. Thank you.**_


	7. Chapter 7

Emily watched JJ from the kitchen, who was sitting on the apartments luxurious chocolate couch, outwardly the blonde seemed ready to go, but Emily knew better. She noted how JJ was frozen in place, reluctant to stand, or talk, she was stuck in her own thoughts- Emily didn't like it.  
"JJ, if you want me to go over there alone, you don't have to face him-"

 _Oh my God, no. Do not let her do that, what if he hurts her, you cannot let that happen. You need to be there, watch out for her.  
_ "I'm okay Em, I need to do this" the shake in JJ's voice wasn't missed by either woman, but Emily didn't press the issue, it was natural enough that the woman would be afraid.

"Do you wanna go now? Get it over with?"  
JJ checked her phone, it was just after 3pm, since Will had lost his job and taken another girlfriend, JJ couldn't hazzard a guess to whether he'd be in the house or not, but she really hoped he wasn't. She wanted to grab her clothes, some other essentials and get out.  
"Yeah, please. I can't just keep sitting here thinking about it"

Emily nodded in understanding and the pair made their way to Emily's car. JJ had considered driving her own car over, mostly because she had feared Will potentially damaging Emily's car if he was home, and angry about the situation, but she gave up on that when she noticed how badly her hands were shaking as they were leaving the apartment.  
"You'll be okay Jay.." Emily offered as they drove out onto the street "I'm not going to let anything happen to you"

 _It's not me I'm worried about  
_ "Thank you, for all of this Emily. I know I'm causing a lot of hassle for you-"  
Emily cut the blonde off "It's not hassle JJ, nothing about this is bothering me. I want to do this and help you, I'm sure you'd do the same for me"

Before JJ knew it they were driving up her familiar driveway, and the usual nausea of being here hit her, but this time it was intensified.  
 _This is ridiculous. He might not even be here, do not puke up your lunch in front of Emily. Even if he is here, how bad could it be? He can't kill her, that'd get him in too much trouble and he doesn't have the balls for it. He could hurt her, he could hurt you, but it cannot be worse than any of the other times, it's two against one._

The engine cut, and JJ jumped out, trying to put up a front of confidence, despite that being the furthest from how she felt- that was until she felt Emily's hand in hers.  
"Ready?"  
JJ squeezed Emily's hand and nodded, and then regretfully let her hand go so she could fish her keys from her pocket "don't do anything to him Emily- if he's here. I know you aren't too happy with him, but please I need you to just ignore him"

Emily accepted the blondes words before they stepped into the home, she didn't like the idea of seeing him and holding herself back, truthfully what she wanted to do was hurt him like he'd hurt JJ, but she couldn't. She knew JJ was telling her that for a reason and she had to listen, but that didn't mean she'd just lie down and accept it if he tried something on JJ, or herself.

Once they set foot into the hall JJ froze "he's here" she gestured to the light streaming from one of the rooms further down the hallway "should I talk to him?"  
"If that's what you want to do, but remember you don't owe him anything JJ" Emily encouraged, and it took the edge off JJ.

"You wait here" the blonde instructed, wanting to keep Emily from Will as much as possible "I'll do this alone"

Emily watched JJ walk down towards her abuser, and a knot formed in her stomach, part of her wanted to run and throw together a bag with literally anything she thought could be JJ's and have it ready so they could escape if they needed to, but another part of her couldn't bare to pull herself from the hall, what if JJ needed her? She wouldn't be responsible for the woman getting hurt again.

There were voices coming from the room JJ had disappeared into minutes ago, but nothing Emily could make out through the door, that was until a loud crash echoed into the hall, and JJ's scream followed **_"Emily!"  
_** That set the dark haired woman into action, and she raced into the room where she found JJ cornered by the man, who she could only assume was intoxicated.

"You little _bitch"_ he spat at JJ "couldn't even face me alone? Had to bring one of your little friends with you- you always were weak Jennifer"  
The way he said JJ's name made Emily's skin crawl and she began to understand why JJ hated anybody using it lately.

" _Will"_ Emily gritted out, trying to sound as threatening as possible but mindful of the fact JJ was in the room and she didn't want to scare her more than she was already "back away from her"

He turned to her, and the fire she saw in his eyes frightened her, but she didn't let that show "You'd do best keeping your mouth shut, _Emily"_ he mocked both JJ and herself by parroting her name the same way JJ had called for her  
"And if I don't?" Emily advanced on him, "what'll you do Will? Beat me too? Or is that exclusively for girlfriends?"  
Emily met JJ's eyes briefly and watched the fear cross her face. _Emily, don't be stupid._

"You don't know _shit_ about me and my relationships" Will drained the bottle of beer he had sitting on the living room table, and while he did that JJ took her opportunity to escape and got across the room and beside Emily in a heartbeat  
"You're right" Emily announced, the relief washing over her as JJ got closer to her again, instinctively she moved in front of the blonde, ready to protect her if he tried get near her again "I know nothing about you, but I do know you're going to sit your _sorry ass_ right there on that couch while JJ packs a bag- and I know you'll _never_ hurt her again"

Will grumbled something that neither woman could make out and threw himself back onto the couch, directing his attention to the baseball game playing on TV.  
Emily felt uneasy about how this had played out, but encouraged JJ to go and pack so they didn't have to be here a second longer than they had to be.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Thank you all for the continued support, please keep the reviews up.**

JJ curled further into the throw Emily had offered her when they came home, and used it to wipe away the tears that had started falling down her cheeks. She was glad Emily had gone for her shower because she couldn't bare the thought of crying around the woman again, and she was very happy that Emily had called Hotch and gotten them both tomorrow off, she was physically and emotionally exhausted.  
She felt lost. She didn't know what she wanted to do next, she didn't know what she was _supposed_ to do next.

 _Legal action would be messy, and if I'm honest I'm not sure if that's what I want.  
But how else could I get justice for this?  
Will needs help, for his anger and his alcohol abuse, but that shouldn't give him a free pass on this either.  
_JJ knew this was something she needed to consider some more.

"Jay?" Emily's call startled the sapphire-eyed woman, who immediately wiped the tears that had been dropping down her cheeks, despite her attempts to stop them "honey, what's wrong?"

JJ shook her head, and plastered on a painfully fake smile "Nothing Em, I'm being silly"  
Emily sat up beside the blonde, and wiped away another stray tear. At the older womans touch JJ had to control the hitch in her breathing, which wasn't very successful, and left Emily apologising, assuming her touch had startled her.  
 _She's so sweet. Intoxicating. I wish I could kiss her, but I can't rush this and make her feel like some rebound. She needs to know what I feel is real. It has been for months._

"Whatever's bothering you JJ, you can talk about it with me" Emily assured, which just left JJ feeling even more relaxed, and dare she say, happy. She moved her hand from under the throw and took Emily's into hers "I know, I trust you. Thank you for making me feel so safe" she shifted on the couch and left herself resting against Emily's side.

"So..." Emily started cautiously "have you thought about what you want to do?". She hadn't wanted to bring up the topic but she knew JJ would probably need to speak with Hotch about this whole situation soon, especially if she needed some proper time off to rest and heal, which Emily knew was necessary.

"I did, I couldn't make a decision, so I stopped" _I'm not strong enough for that right now._

Emily saw how uncomfortable the topic made JJ, so she wanted to let it go quickly but as a final word added "Jay, I agree about you not pushing yourself right now, but I think maybe you should talk to Aaron about this, just so he knows, then you could take some time"

"I don't need time off work Emily" JJ snapped as she harshly pulled away from the woman, and logically she knew Emily was trying to look out for her and make sure her injuries didn't get any worse, but her stubborn streak couldn't imagine her lying on Emily's couch, alone, being unproductive and useless "don't treat me like some kind of infant"

Emily didn't like the look in JJ's eyes, she'd seen the woman angry before, but this was different, unsettling "I'm not treating you like an infant" Emily stated, coldly "I'm trying to help"

"Well please, just give it a rest Emily"

Emily removed herself from the situation, not wanting to stir up more of an argument and silently went down to her bedroom. She had expected some resistance when she mentioned JJ taking time off work, but not like that. She lay down, and closed her stinging eyes, she hadn't realised she had gotten so tired. Grabbing her worn out copy of Pride and Prejudice from the side table she decided to read a chapter or two and then sleep, she could sort that mess with JJ in the morning.

Or, so she thought.  
Half way through her first chapter of the evening she heard the gentle knock on her door. "C'mon in Jay" she called out.  
She studied the blonde as she walked through the door wringing her hands nervously "I-I'm sorry for snapping at you Emily.. I shouldn't have done that"

Emily wasn't sure how she was supposed to respond to the blondes apology "So, why'd you do it?" she decided to respond "why are you pushing me away, when all I'm trying to do is help?"  
It occurred to Emily that maybe she was being selfish, JJ had been through a lot, and it was only natural she was overwhelmed and reluctant to discuss things, but Emily wasn't used to hitting brick walls when she tried talking to JJ, or anyone. Usually she was the one with the walls higher than Everest.

"I know you're trying to help, Emily you are helping me" JJ admitted as she sat on the side of the queen-sized bed Emily was stretched out on "I know it isn't an excuse for how I've been acting towards you, but I'm just not used to people trying to get involved with this side of my life. I've been doing my best to carry this alone since it started and think my way out of things at my own pace- I'm just trying to adjust, I'm sorry for being snappy"  
JJ's tear-filled eyes met Emily's, whose heart melted, of course JJ wasn't used to this situation, and sharing her burden "I'm sorry for pushing you so hard, making you uncomfortable"

"Can I lie with you?" JJ questioned meekly, and Emily opened her arms to welcome the emotional blonde. She traced tracks with her fingers in JJ's hair, and held her close until she was sure she heard the blondes breaths even out, a sign she'd succumb to her exhaustion.  
She reveled in just how perfect this moment would have been if JJ hadn't been put through the pain she had been with Will and ended up here. All she wished for was getting to hold JJ like this every night, good and bad.  
But to Emily that seemed like just a pipe dream Her **_friend_** was injured, and needed comfort- and she shouldn't be getting her hopes up. After all, JJ was straight.

That's all Jennifer Jareau was, all she had to be, a friend.


	9. Chapter 9

_JJ couldn't escape, she was trapped.  
Agonisiongly stuck, only watching, screaming for it to end._

 _"Emily! Emily! Will, no! Please Will, stop!" the young agent tried harder, struggled to get to her feet but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't move. She watched as her abuser towered over the injured dark haired woman, watched as he used all his strength to kick her. She cried at Emily's grunts and cries out in pain.  
_ _"Oh shut the fuck up Jennifer, this is because of you" Will smirked, the pleasure of this situation written all over his face "you got her involved, this is on you"_

 _"He's right" JJ heard Emily, despite her breathy tone "this is because of you Jennifer"_

 _The way Emily snapped at her, spit her name, made JJ feel queasy. Just another person she was hurting, another person who was turning on her.  
_ _"I'm sorry! Emily, I'm so sorry!" but JJ's apologies fell on deaf ears, because Will had started his attacks again, and Emily had herself to worry about._

" **JJ! Wake up!** "

The blonde bolted awake, the tears running down her cheeks and her pyjamas drenched in sweat. It took her a minute to take in her surroundings, and thankfully Emily made that easier by flicking on the lamp on the bedside table  
"You're safe Jayje, he isn't here" she reassured the disheveled blonde, she wanted to ask what the nightmare had been about, he curiosity peaked by the screams of her name, but Emily knew that would be a mistake, "can I touch you?" she settled on asking, which earned her a confused look from JJ

"Touch me?"

Emily hesitantly moved her hand towards JJs, showing the younger woman what she was asking. JJ understanding, nodded in permission and once it was granted, Emily gave up on hand holding and swallowed her into a hug "JJ, if you want to talk about it, whatever it was- it might help"

The queasiness JJ had felt in her dream hit her suddenly as it came back to her in flashes  
 _"_ _He's right this is because of you Jennifer". **Jennifer**. __"you got her involved, this is on you".  
Your fault. This was just all one big mistake. You're hurting Emily. _

JJ jumped from Emily's arms as if her touch had burnt her, and bolted to the opposite side of the room "No.. I-I can't do this"  
 _Leaving him is worse. She can't keep us safe from him forever._

Emily made a move to get closer to JJ but immediately stopped in her tracks when she noticed how hard the blonde was sobbing into herself. What the hell is happening? She knew nightmares could feel real, and reaction was normal, but this seemed like more.  
"JJ, Jay- please don't cry. Honey, listen to me, we're safe here, it's just me and you, we can't get hurt, _please_ look at me" she begged, surprising herself, she usually wasn't one to beg for anything

After a minute, JJ looked up and met the dark eyes shining back at her "We aren't safe" she whispered "I don't feel safe"  
Her words shocked Emily, who's doubts immediately surfaced, had she done something to scare the blonde? Something to remind her of Will?  
"Do you want me to leave. you could shower, o-or try sleep again-" Emily stuttered out, just wanting to do anything to defuse the situation, but her suggestion of leaving made JJ panic more

"Please don't go. I'm so sorry Emily, I'm sorry"  
JJ hesitantly moved closer to Emily, and within seconds she was back in Emily's arms "I'm such a mess, I'm sorry"

"Jay, stop apologising, you have nothing to be sorry for" she reassured, running her hand over her back, but JJ's reply concerned her  
"I'm hurting you, it's because of me"

Emily separated them both so she could meet JJ's eyes "Listen Jayje, you aren't hurting me. Not at all. I don't know what you're thinking about, but I need you to believe me, okay? You are not, whatsoever hurting me"

JJ just curled back against the woman's neck and pressed a small kiss against Emily's pulse point "thank you"

Emily led JJ back over to her bed, and they both lay together, Emily listening for the evening out of the blondes breath for the second time that night. She just hoped JJ wouldn't be tortured by any more nightmares tonight and she could get some well deserved restful sleep.  
Soon enough she gave in to her own tiredness and slipped off to sleep, her last memory of the night was pulling JJ in even tighter to her.

It felt like seconds to Emily before she was woken again, this time by the sun flooding in through the flimsy bedroom curtains, however upon checking the bedside clock she realised it was almost 11am. She rolled over, and when faced with an empty bed, she became more disheartened than she'd ever care to admit. She'd secretly hoped JJ would've spent the night in her arms, so they'd get to wake up together. Domestic bliss, at least momentarily.

"Oh no! You woke up!" she heard JJ dejectedly announce from the door, and when she looked up at the blonde, a smile couldn't help but cross her face  
"I did, and clearly just in time, you didn't have to do this Jay" Emily's heart warmed at the sight of the the cooked breakfast JJ had some how managed to throw together from whatever Emily had that was edible in the refrigerator, and of course a strong black coffee was perched on the edge of the tray

"I wanted to Emily" JJ sat in beside the other woman, who had began tearing into her omelette, and she couldn't help but smile, _deep down she's just a big kid isn't she?_ "Gosh, you're so adorable"  
She hadn't realised she said it out loud before it was too late, and her eyes immediately widened, highlighting her true meaning behind the words. Luckily Emily hadn't caught her eyes.

Emily scoffed after swallowing her mouthful of egg "oh yeah, that's me, adorable"

 _Can't she see how beautiful she really is? She just has this aura around her- it's so strong, but yet not intimidating. You could easily get lost in her dark eyes, or the thought of pressing your lips against her soft, pale skin. Goddamn it JJ... what're you doing._

"So, how're you doing today?" Emily broke the silence and caught JJ's attention again, gesturing to her ribs "are they still causing some trouble?"

JJ moved her hand up along her side, she had to admit the pain was still there but it'd improved greatly since she'd been resting more, all her injuries had. She could almost take deep breaths again without the sharp stinging, and even her usually tricky knee hadn't ached at all the previous day "actually, no, they've improved a lot. I think this rest thing was a great idea" JJ winked, as Emily rolled her eyes in a way that screamed _'oh really?'_

Her next question wasn't so easily answered.  
"Are we going to talk to Aaron today?"

"I guess"  
JJ knew it had to happen, but that didn't make it any easier.


	10. Chapter 10

Emily watched as JJ disappeared into Hotch's office, a worried frown etched across her face. JJ had been a wreck all morning since they had agreed to come talk to Aaron today, to the point Emily had to pull over the car on the way here for JJ to throw up. Mentally this whole ordeal must be exhausting on the younger woman, especially since she seems to have the unfounded fear in her mind of Aaron firing her on the spot. Will had to have gotten to her about this, used it against her to keep her quiet.

"Princess, I thought you and Jayje were taking time off?" the dark haired woman turned to face Derek who was smirking wildly at her "is there something you wanna tell me, you getting a little action babygirl?" he winked and it made Emily smile inwardly but the reality of the situation didn't allow her much of a visible smile

"Morgan" she warned "don't say that around her, and not that it's any of _your_ business but no, I'm not getting any of anything, Jennifer and I are friends"

This added more fuel to Derek Morgan's fire " _Jennifer"_ he imitated in a breathy tone, and that was when Emily realised her mistake  
"Damn, okay definitely don't let her hear you say _that_ " her reply changed the mood from playful to one of concern

"Okay Prentiss what the hell is happening, you're being weird and both of you are taking days off- is there something wrong?"

Emily knew it wasn't her story to tell, that was JJ's decision to make whenever she felt comfortable telling the rest of the team, but that didn't mean that she didn't want to tell him. He had always been like a brother to her, someone she could talk to on the rare occasion she felt the need to. But this was different. She couldn't do that to JJ.

"No Derek, things are okay, we just need some time off, to get things together. I promise we're both safe" at least Emily sure hoped so.

Derek wasn't happy with her answer but it was obviously the best he was getting so he accepted it "remember I'm here if you need me Emily" he reassured, and they began some meaningless small talk, that was until a very shaky JJ emerged from Hotch's office. Cutting their conversation short with a brief apology, Emily darted up the few steps and straight to JJ, whose watery blue eyes held nothing but heartbreak  
"Please, can we go home Emily?"

"Of course honey, d-do you need me to go in there and talk to him-?" Emily, full of concern and rage that Aaron had clearly upset the younger agent seemed to forget her job would be on the line if she went in all guns blazing, not that it bothered her too much in that moment  
"No!" JJ grabbed Emily's wrist tightly desperate for her to stay close, but immediately dropped it and the guilt written all over her face screamed out the thought's going through her mind

 _You're turning into him JJ. Controlling, rough. An abuser. A victim to a victimiser._

"Please no" she mumbled, hardly loud enough for Emily to here

Emily saw the look, and it didn't take much to tell where JJ's mind had brought her "c'mon Jay, we can go home"  
The pair left, with Emily waving a goodbye to Derek, and JJ remaining that stuck in her thoughts to even realise they had made it to the car already.

 _You need to stay away from Emily, romantically. Even if she did feel the same, you're the liability here, you'd hurt her like he hurt you, he made you that way, ruined you._

"Do you want to talk about it?" Emily asked, not referring to either the talk with Aaron or the incident in the hallway specifically, giving the blonde the option of opening up about whichever topic was easiest

"He gave me the time off, I have as long as I need. He said you could stay with me too, for a week, max" she stated automatically, no feeling in her voice, which frightened Emily. At least if she sounded sad that would be some indication of how she felt, this left JJ unreadable.

"Okay, well that's something. It may not be ideal but we have some time to sort out what you want to do" Emily's attempt at comfort was misguided, but JJ still appreciated it.  
The younger agent fell silent again, and it remained that way until the pair got home. Emily had thought it was best to let JJ open up to her, so instead of pushing conversation she went and made them both some coffee.

From the kitchen she could hear JJ sniffling, and that made her even more desperate to find out what had happened with Aaron. She couldn't bare the thought of JJ struggling alone to begin with, never mind when she was right there and ready to help in any way she could.

As she walked back into the kitchen she saw JJ try to hide the fact she'd been crying, not that it made much of a difference

"You don't have to do that" Emily said softly as she offered the woman the cup "it's okay to be upset JJ, you don't have to try be so strong all the time"

"You are" JJ immediately counteracted, which stunned Emily a little, but she just shook her head  
"There's a difference between strength and being good at hiding things JJ, I compartmentalise but that isn't strength, it's the opposite"

That earned a confused look from the younger woman and Emily elaborated "I tuck things that hurt me away, ignore them until a time when I'm forced to deal with them- that's if I ever do. But you are so sensitive, you wear your heart on your sleeve.." for a second JJ thought these were bad traits she was listing off about her, Will had always berated her for being so emotional but her thoughts changed as Emily continued  
"I wish I had your empathy, your sweet, warm heart" Emily admitted and for the first time since breakfast this morning JJ smiled

"You're a smooth talker Emily Prentiss" the sparkle in Emily's eyes at JJ's compliment wasn't missed by the younger agent who took Emily's hand into her own "thank you for what you said, I really appreciate it- and Em, you're perfect as you are, you don't need to be like me, you make a pretty great you"

Emily blushed a deep red, which JJ adored seeing.  
 _Tell her, kiss her, God JJ do something. Even if you eventually mess things up, it's worth a try._

"Emily, you're so beautiful" her shaking hand moved up to Emily's cheek, and she ran her thumb across her cheek bone softly.  
At JJ's words Emily's swallowed thickly "Jay..." she wasn't sure what she wanted to say, but just anything to break the charged silence between them. She wanted to ask JJ to kiss her, but thought that might be too forward, or put pressure on the woman who she wasn't even sure had feelings for her yet "what are we doing?"

"I don't know" JJ admitted honestly, "but I know I've wanted to do it for months now Emily- is it okay if I kiss you?"

"God, yes"

JJ leaned in, and despite the nerves rushing through her, she and Emily shared a wonderful kiss, one that wasn't even remotely similar to any kisses she had ever received in her life. It was soft, and sensual and full of passion.

Admittedly she hadn't kissed another woman before, but this was such an amazing experience, she wished she had experimented in college like she had always felt the urge to.

They pulled apart, JJ smiling widely, but her happiness immediately crashed through the floor at the expression on Emily's face  
"W-What's wrong Em?"


	11. Chapter 11

_"W-What's wrong Em?"_

JJ's heart was thumping wildly her mind sent into overdrive, meanwhile Emily was sat opposite her in the exact same position.  
She knew that was a mistake, but as soon as JJ offered to kiss her, there was no way she was going to say no. After all she had been imagining this same scenario for months now, but something deep inside Emily thought that this was wrong. She was taking advantage of the vulnerable, upset woman. There's no way this could be right.

"Emily, you've been telling me for days that it's okay to open up and talk when something bothers you- please do the same with me" JJ pleaded the panic inside her eating her alive with every second Emily remained silent

 _Why would she say yes if she didn't want me to kiss her? But of course she didn't, you're a mess. She probably feels used- there was a reason for waiting until things had calmed down a little! Christ. Way to go, fuck up the last stable relationship in your life._

"Jay, that probably wasn't a good idea.. I-I don't know what that was but I'm not able to handle just being a fling for you, and you just got out of an abusive relationship. You should be focusing on you" Emily blurted, and it was clear that her words, despite their truth hurt JJ

"Sweetheart, do you really think you'd _ever_ be a fling to me?" the blonde interlocked their fingers, and a small spark of hope lit inside her when Emily allowed herself to smile slightly "Em, I've had these feelings for you for months now, but I've done everything I could to push them away.. which I definitely should still be doing now because I'd be a wreck in a relationship right now"  
JJ paused and took a deep breath, allowing herself to stop rambling and make her point "I care about you a lot Emily, and you said I should focus on me, by doing this I am- whenever I'm with you I feel like the real me again, I feel safe and happy. Please, if you feel the same and if you want something between us- give this a chance"

Emily was conflicted.  
The last thing she wanted was to take advantage of JJ or rush this, because that'd end up in disaster for them, but on the other hand the blonde was sat opposite her, pleading with her to give them a chance, which was exactly what she'd wanted to hear.

"Jay, I need you to be sure about this" Emily hated how selfish she sounded, but she wasn't going to risk their friendship, and her heart so easily

"I'm sure Emily. I know how I feel about you" she confirmed, and Emily obviously believed her, because after a brief pause they shared another kiss.  
This kiss was even slower than their previous one, but still full of feeling, and JJ hoped that it took away any doubts Emily had about them doing this together. Once they broke apart, JJ saw the smile she had expected to see from Emily the first time, and the relief flooded through her  
"I really love doing that"

The blonde smirked a little, despite the blush crossing her cheeks "me too Em"

Emily moved herself closer to JJ, allowing her to cuddle against her and after a couple of minutes sitting in a comfortable silence, the situation brought itself to the front of Emily's mind again.  
"Hey, would you mind if I asked something?"

JJ looked up and met Emily's eyes "of course, what's up?"

"Would you be comfortable talking about what happened today?" Emily wanted JJ to open up about both the talk with Aaron and their situation in the hallway so she was careful not to specify a particular topic

It took JJ a minute, but eventually she began her explanation

"Aaron wanted to know why I didn't ask for help, and why I lied to him about needing help a little while ago.. he was pretty upset that I wasn't comfortable coming to him or any of the team about it, I felt guilty" she recounted, the tears coming back to her eyes at the thought "I wish I had said something sooner, but I just wasn't comfortable Emily"

Emily nodded and ran her hand over JJ's thigh hoping to offer some comfort "It's okay Jayje, it took some time, but you got out of there that's all that matters now"

"I guess.." she didn't sound very confident but that was expected, that would come with time, when she got stronger and more comfortable with herself and the situation she was in "..and then with you, when I came out, I grabbed you. It was too rough, it made me feel like Will" Emily wasn't surprised at JJ's admission, she'd thought that was what had happened, but that didn't mean that the words didn't bother Emily. She hated that the younger woman felt like that, because of him.

"JJ, you're nothing like him. You didn't kick me, or beat me- you hardly even grabbed me, you just wanted to go- you aren't an abuser. And I'm not at all concerned about you ever becoming one, you aren't like that. You're soft, and caring, and sweet- not at all abusive" her words were kind but did little to reassure JJ, who still appreciated them despite that

"Emily, what am I going to do about Will?"  
If she was honest this whole situation was playing on her mind a lot lately, she wanted to close the book, put it behind her, and that wouldn't happen if she kept sitting here pretending that everything was okay

"That's your decision Jayje, do you have any idea on what you want to do?"

JJ shook her head, reluctant to admit to the older woman that she wanted to avoid the legalities. _You saw how she was, she'll want proper revenge, she wont support a little sit down and talk with your abuser  
_ "You know I'm a profiler, right Jayje, I can kinda tell when you're lying- that and you suck at it" Emily teased, playfully winking, which made the blonde smile softly

"Okay, please don't be mad, but I don't really want to go down the legal route" she admitted and was surprised, but ecstatic when Emily pressed a small kiss to her forehead  
"Jay, you don't need to ask me not to be mad, this is your decision, all I care about is your safety. I can certainly understand you avoiding the legal side of things, and if that's what you want, I support you fully"

JJ sensed the dark-haired woman had cut herself short "...but?"

"But for your safety I'd advise a restraining order- even a temporary order. He needs some kind of reason to stay away from you, but as I said JJ, this is up to you, if that's not what you want that's okay too"

 _Maybe that's not the worst idea, I should really consider that._ "Okay Em, I'll think about it, thank you for talking about this with me" she curled even closer against the older woman and adored the scent that surrounded her, she loved how things had worked out for her and Emily.  
 _If only we could stay like this forever._


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: I've never gotten a restraining order, or been involved in any legal situations so I decided to gloss over the events and also from here on out for the remainder of the story the focus will mainly be on JJ/Emily, their relationship, and the steps JJ takes to try and get over everything that happened with Will and her mental state because of that.  
I hope you all enjoy it. **

JJ spent the next ten days trying to put together everything she needed to get the restraining order, and thankfully she manged to secure it, temporarily.  
At the courthouse that afternoon Will's attorney had spoken about how he was getting help for his alcoholism and his anger issues, which did put JJ's mind at rest a little more. She knew it wasn't all down to alcohol and his anger, but if his treatments worked, he might be a little more stable and less likely to resurface and hurt her.

"Hey JJ! Are you back with us?" she heard Reid ask as she walked past his desk on route to Aaron's office  
"Sorry Spence, not yet! Soon though" she flashed him a warm smile over her shoulder as she approached Aaron's office, and the wide grin he offered back warmed her heart

There was a pause after her light knock, and then she heard Hotch call "Come in"  
Taking a deep breath she turned the knob and entered the office, mustering up the best smile she could "Aaron, hi"

The older man looked her over, and JJ could've sworn he still seemed cold to her "JJ, what can I do for you? Prentiss said you had court today, how'd it go?"

She filled him in on securing the order, and Will getting help, and he appeared to be relieved. JJ understood his feelings, and didn't look badly on him because of them. She had hidden a lot from the team, and lied straight to his face more than once about her situation. He was upset she didn't come to him about it.  
"Sir.." she started formally, wanting his full attention "I just wanted to clarify with you, I'm sorry I lied to you, to all of you about what was happening. It just took me some time to get comfortable enough to admit what was happening. I didn't want to hold it back from you"

Aaron's eyes softened, and he nodded "I'm sorry if I made you feel guilty about it JJ, I should've been more sensitive to your situation. I just hated the idea I could've helped sooner, and stopped you going through some of that"  
 _He and Emily are so similar, so protective and sweet once they let down their guard._

"I understand Sir, Emily said pretty much the same thing" she smiled brightly at the thought of the brunette who was likely down at her desk now since they had all gotten back from their case in Baltimore, she couldn't wait to see her again. The past two nights alone had been difficult for her, plagued with nightmares, and even during the days alone she worried, somewhat irrationally about Will showing up at Emily's apartment and hurting her "actually Sir, there's a reason apart from clearing the air that I'm here, I need to disclose something.."

JJ trailed off, and fell silent briefly.  
Before Emily had left on the case, they had shared a date, their first, which JJ loved every second of. It was simple, dinner and dancing but it was perfect. It even ended with a discussion about what they wanted for their relationship- both agreeing telling Hotch early was the right decision.

That didn't mean in this moment she hadn't wished that she had taken Emily's offer of doing this together, but JJ was adamant and had wanted to at least do this part alone.  
"Sir, Emily and I are involved" she blurted out "..romantically" she clarified

"Okay" was all Aaron replied, which sent JJ into internal meltdown.  
 _Okay? That's it? All of his input? What about the rules on fraternizing, surely he has some objections?_

"Aaron, isn't there something you want to say?-"

He cut her off, standing from behind his desk and walking towards the door "Not without Prentiss here there isn't"

 _He seems mad. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.  
_ JJ felt her heart thumping against her ribs, which were still tender and her hands became clammy. _Aaron wont hurt you JJ. Even if he is actually angry, he won't hurt you. He's not Will. Not Will._

She felt disconnected from what was happening around her but even in her trance she could hear Emily's husky voice as she came into the room "JJ? Sir, what happened?" she accused the older man, recognising the fear written all over JJ's face

"I need you both here if I'm discussing your relationship" he told her, but that wasn't Emily's priority right now  
"Aaron, what did you say to JJ? She looks terrified!"

Despite Emily's attempt to remain quiet JJ heard every word she said, she hated being spoken about like she wasn't in the room.  
"Emily I'm fine, can we please just talk about the problems this is going to cause, it's making me anxious" JJ admitted and it was partly true, this had caused her feelings of being overwhelmed

"You shouldn't be anxious about this JJ, I'm happy for you both" Aaron told them, as Emily sat next to JJ, her hand resting comfortingly on the younger agents knee "I am, I trust Emily to take care of you, and support you- but I do need to add, while you're here, and on cases, I need you both to remain professional. I can keep this away from Strauss, as long as you act like everything is, for the lack of a better word, normal"

"So we're okay as long as it doesn't affect our work?" JJ asked, surprised that this was going so well. She was sure before Emily had gotten here he seemed upset. Had her assumption been so wrong? Had Will really messed with her head that much that her judgement was so clouded?

"Perfectly so JJ, I want you to be happy, and I assume by the way you're looking at Prentiss she does that for you" Aaron couldn't resist teasing the blonde "you deserve all the happiness the world could offer"

JJ felt like she could cry. She had built it up in her mind that this would be awful, potentially the end of one of their times with the team. Aaron was handling it so well.

"Can I ask though JJ, what do you plan on telling the team, both in terms of this and in relation to your absence?" he had been curious as to what her plan was, he had noticed during the case in Maryland that Prentiss had closed down questions from the team in relation to JJ's time off, he wasn't sure how much longer he had before they all began questioning him.

"I haven't thought that through" the blonde admitted "as for the relationship, I have no problem with the team knowing as long as Emily is okay with it" she glanced over to Emily, who nodded her sign of approval "but in relation to what happened with Will, I don't think I could handle telling them"  
 _How weak did that seem? That won't get you back to work any faster._

"That's perfectly understandable, so who would you prefer to deal with it, Emily or me?" he questioned, and after a brief pause JJ chose him. He knew basically everything Emily did and she didn't want to put Emily through the ordeal of telling them all, of their questions. Aaron was distanced enough to handle it well.  
"Okay, well if you have no objections to it, I'll fill them in once you both leave"

JJ agreed, and once they had finished their conversation and were exchanging goodbyes, Aaron approached her cautiously "would it be appropriate to give you a hug?" he asked, again surprising the blonde, this was very out of character, but she accepted it.  
This was the first hug apart from Emily's that she had received since Will's and being in another man's arms, and not feeling a hit or a slap before it felt foreign. She wasn't sure if she liked it.

JJ pulled back, and offered a small smile "Thank you for everything Aaron"


	13. Chapter 13

That night JJ got six text messages, two from Penelope, and one from David, Aaron, Spencer and Derek.  
The teams leader informed her that he had told the team everything she had wanted said, and soon after their messages of comfort and sorrow flooded in.  
Their words warmed JJ's heart and the feeling of support surrounding her made her regret not saying anything sooner.

Emily came back from the kitchen and found JJ sitting on her bed, phone clenched tightly in her hand and tears in her eyes  
"You don't have to answer them now, if it's not what you want" she reminded which prompted JJ to abandon her phone on the bedside table and lie down, cuddling against the older woman. She appreciated the arms that fell around her waist and let go of a deep breath she didn't realise she had been holding in "I missed you Emily"

"It was tough?" Emily questioned, pressing a kiss against JJ's hair. She knew the answer to that question already but she hoped by asking she could get JJ to open up about her absence a bit more, even while she had been here the nightmares had been tough for the blonde to recover from, but Emily could only imagine what had happened while she was gone.

"That's not the only reason I'd miss you Emily" JJ snapped slightly, her vulnerability playing into her thoughts. She couldn't have Emily believing that all she was needed for was comfort and reassurance when JJ got bad.  
"Jay, you know that wasn't on my mind, I'm just worried about you"

Emily's concern overpowered JJ's attempt at picking a fight, and allowed the younger agent to relax, if only briefly.  
"I'm sorry" she whispered out after a brief pause and Emily's dark eyes snapped up to meet hers, now filled with tears. Emily wasn't sure what had shifted between them, but she knew she needed JJ to try and talk about whatever was bothering her.

"I don't need an apology sweetheart, but I would like it if you told me what's happening with you" Emily brushed her thumbs across the blondes cheeks, trying to stem the tears that just kept flowing. Now that Emily really looked, she noticed the heavy dark circles under her girlfriends eyes, she must be exhausted "no matter what you want to talk about JJ, I'm here to listen"

JJ's resolve snapped at Emily's words "Goddamn it Emily! You aren't my therapist, I'm not dumping all my shit onto you!" she knew Emily was trying to help, but she just wanted one night where everything could be normal. Where they could hold each other, talk about work, or share any kind of mindless chatter. A night that wasn't filled with tears and nightmares, or she wasn't a victim. She wanted to be _Jennifer Jareau_ again.  
 _But how could I go back to being someone I haven't been in a long, long time?_

"Please stop trying to avoid this and make it into an argument JJ" Emily pleaded, knowing this was the blondes attempt at pushing her away "maybe you don't need to talk to me, but you do need to talk to someone, or this will never get better"

"Can you do something for me?" JJ asked suddenly, and Emily was left wondering if she had even heard her last point or if this was more aversion. Whatever it was Emily knew it wasn't healthy "will you call me by my name?"

Emily scowled "uh, JJ?" but as soon as she had said it she realised what the blonde had really meant. It roused a fear in her. She couldn't do that and deliberately remind her of him. That night at the house, the way he had said her name even bothered Emily, and with the way JJ sobbed in their hotel room when she first talked about all this- this was important, the fact JJ had even asked was important. "Jay.. are you sure that's what you want?"

She nodded, and brought her eyes up and locked them with the soft brown ones opposite her "Please, I just need to hear it"

Taking a breath to steady herself, Emily leaned in and pressed her lips to JJ's, with a kiss that was chaste, but so full of love it calmed them both in that moment.  
As she regretfully pulled back, Emily tucked a piece of blonde hair behind her ear and ran her hand down, and over the womans cheek, "You're very beautiful, Jennifer"

Emily searched JJ's eyes for any sign of fear, any tears or vacant stare, but what she was offered back was a glimmer of happiness.  
For JJ, she had built it up in her mind that hearing her name from Emily would cause fear in her like it did before, or when Will had spit it at her full of venom, but it didn't. She had to admit she wasn't fully comfortable hearing it, but that would come with time she suspected.

"Are you okay?"  
Emily's concern for her made her smile "I'm great Em, thank you- for that, for trying to help, wanting to listen- just everything"

They lay together in silence, just enjoying each others company, that was until Emily noticed the blonde had dozed off in her arms.  
It'd been a long couple days without JJ, and she found her thoughts wandering back to her whenever she'd had an idle moment. She hated being out on a case without her, it didn't feel right but Emily imagined that was something she'd have to get used to for the foreseeable future at least.  
It was obvious how fragile the blonde was, and Emily knew that wasn't going to resolve itself if JJ didn't face her problems, and just kept trying to push them down.

The irony jumped out at the dark haired agent, but she knew this wasn't what JJ was used to doing with problems, and it wasn't the healthy way for her to try and process this.  
So as she shifted from under the blonde, and tucked her in under the covers, she promised herself she'd bring up therapy again, and would elicit an answer from JJ, no matter how hard she tried to avoid giving one.

 _ **AN: I just wanted to offer an apology if any of you felt this chapter wasn't to the same standard the others were. I'd attempted writing and re-writing it but for some reason I just wasn't happy with it.  
Regardless, I hope some of you enjoyed it at least.  
Thank you for your continued support.**_


	14. Chapter 14

Emily was woken firstly by the sharp kick to her shin, and if that hadn't done it JJ's piercing scream of _'No!',_ would have.  
She couldn't ease the ache in her heart at the sight of the younger blonde, drenched in sweat with her hands up, protecting herself against her nightmare.  
Why did JJ have to suffer like this? Of all the people, she didn't deserve it.

"Jen-" Emily cut herself off, realising using her full name right now would only make the situation worse "JJ, listen JJ it's Emily, sweetheart you're safe"  
Nothing. JJ was still thrashing despite Emily's grip on her shoulders, and the dark-haired woman had to admit she was at a loss, JJ's other nightmares hadn't been this bad and she usually woke with a prompt from Emily.

" _No! Will please! Stop! You're hurting me!"_ at the blondes pleading Emily tried to wake her again, shaking her firmly and calling her name, but it was pointless, so she took a risk and threw herself forward and pressed her lips to JJ's as best as she could. She'd hoped that the kiss would pull the blonde from whatever terror her mind was subjecting her to, and bring her back to reality- and thankfully after a couple seconds she noticed a change in her.  
"Sweetheart, JJ, it's okay" she reassured in the strongest voice she could muster

After a minute passed, JJ cracked her eyes open and immediately tried to calm her ragged breaths, the guilt she felt at waking Emily hitting her even harder when she took notice of the older woman's expression "I-I'm sorry Em, I don't know what happened-" she used a clammy hand to smooth down her damp hair  
 _You shouldn't be lying to her JJ, you know exactly what happened, and why it happened too. But you couldn't tell her that, not after you asked her to do it._

"It's okay Jay, are you alright?" it was a stupid question, Emily could see she wasn't and also knew JJ would lie and say she was, but she needed to ask.

JJ's eyes welled with tears "I don't know Emily" she admitted in a small voice.

"You don't need to be right now Jayje, it's okay to feel how you do"  
She wasn't sure how to reassure JJ properly, especially since she had closed herself off, and emotionally recoiled at any talk of feelings, or her nightmares.

 _Sure, now she says it's okay, but how long will that last? How patient can one person be when the person they're with is such a mess?  
This is all okay right now, how about a month from now- or six?  
You can't even look at yourself when you shower, how could she ever see you as attractive, sexy? That's if you ever trusted her to do anything to you, after what he did.  
And what about the sleepless nights? Waking her, screaming, constantly picking arguments. She clearly can't even use your name without triggering something worse than usual.  
You're a wreck._

At the feeling of JJ trembling in her arms, Emily immediately feared the woman had slipped into a flashback, but it was obvious she hadn't when she suddenly stood, eyes wide.  
"JJ?" she questioned cautiously

"Please Emily, just- don't, I think I need to be alone"

The older agent sat in bed as the blonde bolted from the room, and she felt at a loss.  
Why did JJ have to keep doing this? Keep running. All Emily wanted was to help, and every turn she took JJ threw up another road block and forced her out.  
She wanted to go after her, and try again to help, but surely she had to respect what JJ wanted? And she wanted, no- _needed_ , to be alone.

Emily rolled over in the bed, which seemed oddly empty now without JJ, despite the fact the other woman had only been sleeping there for a couple of weeks now.  
That thought made Emily laugh bitterly, _'you're becoming dependent on her- ironic isn't it?'._ She was doing everything to push Emily away, and that made her want to be even closer to her, she always did want what she couldn't have.

In the guest room JJ had barricaded herself into, she was in a similar position, facing an empty bed, trapped in her thoughts, but unlike Emily she was crying.  
 _Why are you even here? You're just using her for somewhere to stay at this point, because nothing you had could be defined as a relationship, not now.  
I don't think she imagined her dream woman running away from her- or doing anything she'd been doing lately. She probably imagined lazy mornings together, kissing each other awake, cooking breakfast together, shared coffees.  
Nothing like this.  
_There was nearly an hour of almost-silent sobbing, but eventually JJ exhausted herself out and drifted into another fitful sleep.

After a brief slumber, and three hours, although it felt like less than one to her, Emily slammed her hand down on her phone that was shrilly signalling it was time for her to get up and go to work, again.  
She hated to leave the apartment without checking in with JJ, but her words from last night were still ringing loudly in her mind- she _needed_ to be alone. She thought texting her seemed too impersonal, so instead she left a simple note.

 ** _J, I hope you're feeling a bit better this morning. I'll see you tonight, maybe we could talk? - Emily x  
_** She rushed down the hall while pulling on her blazer, and stuck the note to the guest room door, hoping JJ would see it soon and maybe call.  
Mornings weren't really the same without her either, especially when she knew JJ was in the apartment. It occurred to Emily that the younger blonde had seemed to be wiggling her way into every part of her life, but she was just so intoxicating, she wanted every minute she could have with her.  
With one last look towards the door, and one last thought to push herself, Emily left.

It was close to noon by the time JJ had gotten up and found the note that was on the door, and with a regretful sigh, she went down towards Emily's room, grabbed her bag and started packing all her stuff into it haphazardly- she made her decision, she was leaving.


	15. Chapter 15

_This is it_.  
JJ told herself as she walked through the door of the grimey motel she had decided would be good enough for her to sleep in tonight, and upon first inspection she realised how wrong she may have been, and regretted not getting somewhere a little nicer.  
 _Nicer? You have 165 dollars of your own right now, this is as nice as it gets._

She perched on the side of the bed, almost reluctant to sit on the musty sheets but the ache in her knee forced her to give in.  
 _I have no plan, nothing, sure I could stay here for a couple nights but that'd just eat into the little money I'm stuck with until I get my next paycheck. I need to budget, keep money for food, and gas to drive to the store or work if I needed to.  
_ It was in that moment JJ realised this wouldn't work without some help. She slipped her phone from her pocket, and froze, who would be easiest to ask? Emily wasn't even an option, she'd leeched off her enough to last a lifetime.

Deciding, she hit speed dial 3 and the combination of her wounded pride, and shame caused a rush of tears to her eyes before her friend had even answered.  
"Well hello, my blonde beauty!" Penelope breezed, and JJ was glad, this was the first time they'd spoken since Aaron had told the team about what happened with Will and she had been worried the woman- and all her friends- would ask a lot of questions.

"Hi Pen, how're you?" JJ attempted to be casual but the break in her voice gave her away

"I'm okay sugar plum, but you don't sound very okay- what's going on, is Will-?"  
JJ cut her off "No, no it's not him. But I need some help Pen, would you be able to call over to me after work?"

Garcia insisted she'd leave work now, explaining she was due her lunch break anyway and JJ felt relief wash over her, she had hoped her friend could call sooner rather than later  
"I'll come straight over- you're in Em's right?"

JJ panicked at the mention of the older agent, she really wasn't going to take this whole situation well, "A-Actually no, I'm not, I'll send you the address once I hang up and Pen- please don't tell Emily anything about where I am, I'll deal with that myself"  
They ended the call, Penelope confused and bursting with questions for JJ but she decided to wait until they were in person and give JJ the chance to explain whatever was happening.

It was a quick drive to the motel for Penelope, given that JJ picked one of the ones closest to work, and as she pulled into the parking lot she visibly winced. This looked like the type of place they'd visit for a crime scene, and that just left her wondering what the hell JJ was doing staying here.

The woman hurried to room 201, and once JJ revealed herself from behind the door, Penelope gasped. She was visibly tired, with heavy bags under her eyes, her hair wasn't brushed and was instead smoothed down Penelope guessed, but worst of all her eyes were red rimmed and puffy- she'd been crying.  
"Gosh, Jayje... what-what the heck happened!? Do I need to ruin someones credit- do I need to hack Prentiss? Please don't tell me this is her fault, I don't want to mess with her-"

That made the blonde smile despite the situation, she loved how protective her friend was over her.  
"Pen, at least let me do this inside" she stood back, letting the other woman pass by her, "and do not hack Emily, this was all me"

"So you willingly came here?" Garcia asked incredulously, as she inspected the dank space

"I did, and I'm staying here" she attempted to sound confident and as if she had a plan, when in the truth she had nothing "but I might need some help- I hate to ask, and I promise I'll pay you back if you say yes"  
Penelope cut off the rambling "JJ, of course I'll help, but can you explain why you left Emily's place? Is that why she's being all weird today?"

If she wanted to tell the whole truth, JJ knew she'd have to out herself and Emily and talk about whatever they had had between them the past couple weeks, and she wasn't willing to do that, she kept it simple.  
"I needed space Pen, I just had to get out of there. I need to be alone for a while"  
 _That seems to be all you're saying lately, and it's not even true. If you talked about what you really wanted it was Emily, having her hold you and love you. But that was selfish. It was when you couldn't give her what she wanted in return._

"Does Emily know you're here?" Garcia asked, and at JJ's look of guilt she sighed heavily "oh sugarplum, you just ran out of there? Did you even try talking to her?"

"I'm sick of talking to her, I need to process things myself before I try explain them to her" JJ hadn't meant her words to come out so harsh but at the look of surprise on Garcia's face she saw how snappy she'd been "Pen, I'll talk to Emily myself, I just need you to give her this" she dug the house key from her pocket and handed it to the other woman "-and don't tell her where I am, no matter how much she begs"

"You can't stay here" Garcia tried to protest, but JJ wouldn't hear it, "I am, just for a few days- I'll figure something else out soon"

"Okay, I trust you. Can we at least go to lunch together- my treat?" JJ felt guilty at the thought of taking more money than she would be from her friend, but she insisted on lunch after seeing how hesitant JJ was, claiming getting out of the motel would do her good.

By the time they had finished their food JJ was glad she'd come out with Penelope. They talked about work, and JJ had listened while she had talked about her and Derek's antics together. It made her feel normal again, like this was a just a casual, any-other Thursday.  
"So, lets go" Penelope interrupted her thoughts "we need to hit the bank"

"Are you sure this is okay?" JJ checked again

"Of course sweetie, and don't worry about paying me back, not anytime soon"

They left together, Garcia still chatting excitedly about what JJ was missing at work but the blonde wasn't listening, she was trying to plan out what she was going to tell Emily in an hour or so when she called- because JJ could bet once Garcia handed back that key she'd get at least one angry, confused call.  
She hadn't many options on how to play this, certainly none she enjoyed the thought of doing to Emily. She'd hurt her no matter what, leaving her would hurt, pushing her out hurt. But what else could she do?

In that moment, she couldn't hate Will more for causing this, making her lack so much trust and so unstable.  
But she knew she needed to put herself first and pick up the pieces from this later, once she was more together.


	16. Chapter 16

_"Jen, please, Garcia told me that you're safe, but that doesn't mean I'm not worried, please let me see you"_  
JJ listened to the fifth message of the evening from Emily and her heart ached, the woman was pleading with her, something she didn't often hear, it wasn't very 'Emily'.  
 _But the point of leaving was to get away, if you tell her where you are she'll come here and make you go home. Home._

"Damn it!" JJ swore into the empty room, she wasn't quite sure when she had begun to see Emily's apartment as her home, but she had, and running away from it and from her, wasn't the right thing to do.  
 _You can find some other way of dealing with things yourself, tell her you don't need to talk to her but maybe find a good therapist. That makes sense, that way you can try and develop a proper relationship together, not one focused around your mess._

That convinced her, and spurred her into action, hitting the redial button on her phone. There had hardly been enough time for one ring when Emily connected "Jayje? Are you okay?"

"Emily, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have just ran like that..I need you" she admitted in a small voice, and she could hear the rattling of keys from the other end of the call "I'm at a motel, I'll send you the address, please come. I need to talk to you" she ended the call before Emily even had the chance to reply, the bile rising in her throat as her thoughts hit her  
 _You're being manipulative, what kind of person runs away then calls and begs the other person to run after them? You have no right._

She almost considered not sending the address, but eventually did, her need to see Emily overwhelming her.  
 _You're so messed up, you don't know what you want. You're blowing hot and cold- she deserves an apology, well, she deserves someone better than this but start with the apology._

It didn't take Emily long to reach the motel, especially considering she broke the majority of the speed limits on her way, but once she got to the room she was glad she raced there. The blonde had just about managed to open the door, but it was obvious to Emily that she had fallen into a panic attack. She had begun pacing the room, and despite her uneven breaths was trying to rant out her apology, as well as an explanation and at the sight Emily's stomach dropped, how was she supposed to calm her down without frightening her?

"Emily, please forgive me, I was afraid, I couldn't let you in and then I felt like I was taking advantage- I-I didn't want to do that-" JJ continued, but Emily crossed the room and took the womans trembling hands into her own  
"JJ- sweetheart, listen to me" the pet name Emily used had the desired effect and drew JJ's eyes to meet her own "It's okay. I understand, you were scared and unsure, a lot has happened to you in such a short amount of time, it's okay to be a little unsteady"

JJ was sobbing and desperately trying to wipe away her tears. Eventually she managed to calm down enough to offer a reply "I shouldn't have run away Emily"

"Okay, I agree there, but you did what you thought was best in that moment.. did it help at all?"

JJ wasn't sure, it helped push her towards therapy and might make it easier for her in terms of her relationship with Emily, but she still wasn't confident that it helped.  
"I don't know, I guess. Honestly, I've spent most of the time thinking I wanted to be at home with you" she said honestly, and her words encouraged Emily to pull her into a hug

"Why don't we go back there, and you can tell me what you want to do, or what I can do to make things easier for you"  
JJ nodded and grabbed one of her bags, while Emily insisted on carrying the other two. They walked to the car together in silence as JJ wondered what she had done to deserve such a wonderful woman to be her friend, and girlfriend.

The drive back to the apartment was a lot calmer than the drive there had been for Emily, who was just happy to have the blonde back beside her. When Garcia handed her back her key she was beyond confused, and most of all worried. They had some talking they needed to do, but Emily knew they'd be okay.

"I'm going to see a therapist" JJ blurted out as Emily stopped at a red light, and she used the chance to drop her hand and take JJ's into hers  
"I think that's a good plan" Emily encouraged "any ideas on when?"

"I'll call tomorrow.. I want things to get better Emily" the honesty rang out in the blondes voice, and in that moment Emily couldn't be any prouder of her. She knew how difficult that decision must have been for JJ to make, given how closed off she had been about everything that had happened. It took a lot of strength to stop holding your problems in, and actually confront them head-on.

The pair arrived at the apartment, and JJ immediately bee-lined for Emily's bedroom. As she sunk down into the familiar sheets she felt the tension drop from her shoulders, she was definitely happy to be back here- and that thought was solidified when Emily's arms wrapped around her waist.  
"I'm so proud of you" Emily whispered against the blondes ear, who immediately felt tears rush to her eyes

"You are?" JJ seemed confused at the admission

"Of course, getting help is a step in the right direction and I imagine it wasn't easy for you to decide to do"  
JJ nuzzled against Emily's neck "I want us to be happy together, and this is what I need if I want to be happy"

 **AN: just to let you all know this story is beginning to draw to a close, I hope you all enjoy the ending which is most likely to be the next chapter.**


	17. Chapter 17

JJ left the therapists office, her heart still thumping wildly in her chest, that had been so much more difficult than she thought it would be. The woman was lovely, but had really pushed her to open up and that wasn't something she was used to having to deal with. She spoke to her about Will, both in terms of the abuse and the limited information she knew about the treatment he was receiving. She also spoke about her relationship with Emily, and her insecurities, all of which the therapist had said was normal after what she had gone through, but with time and some management they would hopefully ease.

Once she got back to her car, she dialled Emily, hoping she wouldn't still be in flight back from the teams most recent case, but thankfully the call connected.  
"Jay, how did it go?" Emily asked softly, obviously still around the team

"It was okay" JJ said mostly honest, she didn't want to go into detail right now "are you guys back?"

Emily sighed heavily, clearly exhausted "We are, just got back to the bullpen, I can't wait to get home and see you"  
The case had been tough for Emily, and JJ knew that without Emily having to admit it as such, however the call she had received two nights ago which Emily claimed to be just to hear her girlfriends advice gave away the toll it was taking.  
"Well how about you wait there and I'll call by and pick you up?" she offered and she could hear the smile in Emily's voice when she agreed and said she'd be waiting inside with the team.

JJ pulled out of the parking lot and as she drove to the BAU her mind wandered off to what she had planned for Emily this evening. She'd wanted to surprise her girlfriend, especially since the three dates they had been on had all been planned by the older woman, it was time for her to be treated to a nice evening.  
It didn't take long for her to arrive at their workplace and as she walked through the familiar doors she let out a heavy sigh, _I wish I could come back now._ She knew it wasn't possible, she was still recovering and as well as her therapy, she'd need to see the work-assigned therapist before she could be cleared for duty.  
 _At least I'm making steps towards coming back, it wont be too much longer._

She was thankful she had been distracting herself with thoughts of work, because once she exited the elevator her nerves at seeing her friends hit her. _Will they treat me differently, ask questions- what about me and Emily?_

"Hey Jayje!" the familiar voice pulled her from her thoughts, and eased the doubts she was having

Once they were close enough together, JJ pulled Emily into her arms, but restrained herself and held back the kiss she was so desperate to give her.  
"I missed you" Emily whispered, which made JJ smile brightly "I missed you too Em"

" _Hey_! You wanna let her go Prentiss so we can all say hello!" they both heard Derek call from the bullpen and JJ pulled back, a blush rushing to her cheeks.

"Hi guys! All happy to be back home?" It was an obvious question, but JJ felt some small talk would be easiest to make. The team all agreed, and they began to break off into separate conversations, leaving Derek chatting to the blonde.  
"So how're you doing?"

JJ knew if she replied _'fine'_ he'd see through it, and she didn't exactly feel the need to lie to Derek.  
"I'm doing okay now, its tough sometimes but I'm managing- Emily's helping a lot" he eyes flicked to the brunette who was in deep conversation with Reid

"You know, she really cares about you" Morgan told JJ, thinking he was being a good friend and pushing the two closer together. He had known of the older agents feelings for a while now, even though she hadn't specifically told him, it was obvious.

"I know Derek, I care about her too" another bright smile broke across JJ's face as she saw Emily break into a laugh. _I love her._

"Anyway Jayje, you know I'm here if you ever need to talk- about anything" he told JJ, who on impulse, pulled him into a hug. She had been jumpier around men, and definitely wasn't so open to initiating physical contact, but she wanted to feel comfortable again and if she was going to do that it'd involve pushing herself.  
"Thank you Derek, for everything"

"Do you guys wanna grab a drink?" they all directed their attention to Penelope who was awaiting a response.

JJ caught eyes with Emily, silently asking if she was up for it and Emily nodded despite her tiredness, she wanted a drink and to spend some time with JJ, who would probably benefit from being around the team again.  
"I'm game" Emily announced and JJ smirked to herself, there was something so irresistibly sexy about the brunette, and JJ did always enjoy that black blazer on her.

The team, minus Aaron who had paperwork he needed to get done, headed to the bar. It was a nice evening, with the heat from the sun still lingering in the air so the group decided to walk. As soon as she had the chance to get close to Emily without the others suspicions being raised, JJ slipped to the back of the group and brushed her hand of the older woman's "You know, your choice of outfit is very distracting"

Emily laughed as she looked down over her wrinkled shirt, and her blazer which had endured the two and a half hour flight back home "Really? This?"

JJ just nodded and bit down on her lip.  
 _God, control yourself. You haven't even discussed sex yet, and she's only been gone a couple days._

"You want to talk about why you keep looking at me like that?" Emily teased quietly, not wanting to attract the others attention.  
JJ matched her tone "maybe it's because I'm wildly attracted to you" Emily hummed in reply, which didn't help calm JJ much.

They walked the rest of the way to the bar in comfortable silence, until they got to the door and JJ grabbed Emily's free hand and interlocked their fingers, which earned her a confused look "The team-"  
JJ cut her off, smiling "I'm fine with it if you are Em, I don't want to hide from them anymore- I did enough of that" she added a little sadly and Emily squeezed her hand

"..woah, woah, wait there now Princess" Derek aimed his words at Emily who met the surprised looks of her other colleagues when she looked away from JJ "something you guys wanna tell us?" he raised an eyebrow as a wide smile crossed his face- finally!

Emily raised the pairs hands that were still together "Does the team of geniuses really need us to spell it out?" she joked and the team all began offering their congratulations, which made JJ insanely happy. She particularly appreciated the embrace David had offered her, and his expression of happiness for them both.  
He and Emily were close and his approval meant a lot to her.

"So, I'll get the first round!" Garcia announced dragging Derek with her to the bar to retrieve the pitchers and that left Reid and Rossi talking among themselves, and JJ looking doe-eyed at the oblivious Emily.

 _I can't believe this is how things are now. This time three months ago I was probably at home being abused, either physically or verbally by a blind-drunk Will, and now I'm here, comfortable with my friends. No hiding my injuries, or my pain, no walls up. I didn't think I'd be this relaxed again.  
And now I have her too. Emily Prentiss, who wouldn't dream of hurting me in any way, who only wants what's best for me. _

"Hey- you okay?" Emily asked, squeezing JJ's hand trying to catch her attention. JJ leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Emily's cheek "I really am Em, I love you"

Emily's eyes widened at the words, and for a second JJ thought it may have been too soon to admit her newly discovered depth of her feelings to the other agent. However, she was immediately relieved when Emily flashed her a smile "R-Really?"

"Of course, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it" she smiled back casually

Emily leaned over and this time kissed JJ's lips, and her heart warmed as she felt JJ smile into it "I love you too Jen"

 _ **AN: I hope the ending wasn't too cliche for everyone, and I hoped you all enjoyed the story, despite the fact I seemed to end it out of the blue.  
If I'm honest I haven't written a multi-chapter story in over a year, and I forgot how much time it took up, and sadly with University and assignments I'm really feeling the time pressure.  
However, when things settle down for me, if there's interest for it I may get writing a sequel! (Think lots of Jemily/family fluff!) So let me know if that's something you want and maybe follow me/keep an eye out over the next while for it.**_

 _ **Anyway, thank you all again for reading this story, your support really encouraged me to finish it out.  
**_


End file.
